![]() Of course, I receive raunchy messages that leave me queasy, of men telling me what they want to do to me, that they masturbate over me and requests for custom photos, but I never engage. I kept posting and in three months gained nearly 3,000 followers. ‘You have the most perfect body I’ve ever seen.’ I had intended this to be a one-time thing, but I can’t stop. I re-uploaded them and received a hundred notifications at a time telling me how perfect I am. ![]() I couldn’t believe how positive they were. I deleted the first few within 10 minutes in a blind panic, but within seconds I’d received comments and followers. Perhaps influenced by the various nude-positive Twitter communities I’m part of, where people are constantly posting their Only Fans accounts, I decided to share my naked photos on Reddit – always with my face covered. I’m 24 and can count the amount of times we’ve ‘done it’ on one hand I can’t help but feel that perhaps he just isn’t attracted to me, even though he assures me he is. He’s aware this is a deal breaker for me as I’m a sexual, tactile person and is crippled with guilt, but nothing seems to improve the situation. In our many teary conversations, he’s admitted that if thinks about never having sex again for the rest of his life, it doesn’t bother him. Society tells us men want sex 24/7 but my boyfriend has truly lost all interest. It fell to me to initiate intimacy and he’d often refuse. My boyfriend started to avoid sex and develop performance anxiety even after the physical pain had stopped. ![]() I didn’t want to hurt him either and could empathise as I’d gone through a similar situation at 19 with vaginismus, a spasm in my pelvic floor muscles which meant sex was excruciating and literally impossible. He developed a pain during sex and became afraid to try. He could never let go of my accusations and as his fame rocketed, my self-worth plummeted. We got used to not having sex and heated arguments tarnished the mood upon his return – provoked by my growing insecurities over attention from other girls. Our relationship started, four years ago, with the typical honeymoon phase of wild sex every day of the week, but as his career as an EDM (electronic dance music) producer took off, we spent months apart as he toured. I’m 24 and can count the amount of times we’ve ‘done it’ on one hand, in the same period. My boyfriend hasn’t initiated sex in over two years. ![]()
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February 2023
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